Being Right. It’s a human instinct, and one many fall prey to: feeding our need for confirmation bias, it momentarily floods our brains with a myriad of chemicals that make us feel good- in the moment- such as dopamine and adrenaline.
We’ve all seen it in action: from kids on the playground to political debates, and as any athlete will tell you, that rush of adrenaline becomes addictive, causing us to chase it over and over again. It creates an immense sense of power, invincibility and pleasure, yet unless a person is a true narcissist, the let down can be just as quick.
But Being Right Feels So…Right
As mentioned above, proving one is “right” becomes akin to winning, and as humans, many enjoy a good win. Trial lawyers, indeed masters at debate, make a living by convincing jurors they’re right- and when they win a case, nothing brings them greater satisfaction. Some researchers into this particular field of study have gone as far as to postulate that the drive to win is what propelled our evolution- the need to protect ourselves and those we love, and that the chemistry of “being right” feeds the same channels. From that standpoint, it makes sense, but like any addiction, it can easily spin out of control. Self-rightness becomes self-righteousness, certainly a character trait no leader should strive to maintain.
What the Addiction of “Being Right” Actually Means
Those individuals who thrive on the need to prove or be proven right are:
- typically covering up a feeling of inadequacy
- feeling fear, such as imposter syndrome or being “found out” of something they’ve done wrong
- possibly prone to a narcissistic personality
- protecting themselves from being hurt
- defending themselves from feeling unworthy
- generally defensive individuals
Unfortunately, being on the receiving end of these conversations is hurtful, often demeaning, and most certainly demoralizing. Many times the person trying to “be right” takes what Judith Glaser calls the “Tell-Tell-Sell-Yell” tact: they’ll tell you, tell you again, try to sell you on it and finally begin to escalate by going into full-on defense, or, the yell.
These Five Reasons Are Why Leaders Should Avoid Being Addicted to Being Right
- It presupposes that your team member is wrong, and while some assumptions might be beneficial, this isn’t the time or place;
- It creates a chemical reaction in the recipient that will shut down their ability to perform well and creates unnecessary tension;
- It destroys any trust a team may have in their leader;
- It demoralizes people to the point of apathy, thereby severing the connection you need to run a successful business.
- It will eventually cause staff turnover.
How To Tell If You’re Addicted To Being Right
If you’re truly looking to grow as a leader, it’s important to recognize the signs, especially the more nuanced ones, to help break the cycle:
- Do you find yourself constantly trying to tell/show another how they are doing something wrong and the “right” way to do it?
- Are you finding yourself accusing OTHERS of always trying to be right?
- Is there a sense of accomplishment upon winning your point, over and over again?
- Do you consistently determine another person’s thoughts, feelings or actions without actually having a meaningful conversation with them?
Take a long look at these traits and take stock: if you find yourself needing to feed the beast of feeling right to feel good, you may have an addiction to being right. There’s hope though: if you’re looking to change, that same feeling can be re-found by replacing it with a the ability to connect, be in a good conversational space, listening more than you speak, and flooded with oxytocin… a helpful, beneficial hormone for people on both sides of the equation.
Ascendant Dental Development LLC is built on the solid foundation of positive interaction, both in the workplace and personal space. Certified, master coaching that focuses on personal, executive and leadership development, as well as being a certified communication trainer with over 30 years in the dental field, you’ll find we bring a fresh, new offering to dental practices and staff. We offer in-office workshops, individual coaching for leaders and team members and also provide lectures to larger groups. We are proud members of many organizations including the Institute of Coaching, the Via Institute and others. We are currently filling our schedule for 2019-20 and encourage you to call us Toll Free to learn more @ 833-876-TEAM ( 833-876-8326 )